Gray Pitbull sitting
Jack Russel sitting
Husky laying down
Cocker Spaniel sittting
Golden Retriever sitting
German Shepard sitting
Big, fuzzing brown puppy sitting
Black and white spaniel sitting
Hound dog sitting
Young Husky sitting

First Five Pages October Workshop First Revisions

by Martina Boone

Happy Monday, everyone! Hope you all had a lovely weekend.

The first set of revisions are posted for the October First Five Pages Workshop based on the comments the workshop participants received from our mentor, P.J. Hoover, from each other, and from Lisa and me. Stop by and see what they changed and how it works. The entries are posted below, or you can click here to see them all.. Please help us all learn from each other by reading and commenting respectfully and constructively on what you like and what you don’t like.  As writers we must all be analytical readers as well, so the following questions are just a few things to consider not only when you are reading these pages but also pages you are writing and books you are reading.

  • Are  you hooked? Why or why not?
  • Do you love the voice? Why or why not?
  • Do you love the characters. Why or why not?
  • Is the action clear?
  • Does the action move quickly enough? Too quickly?
  • Does this feel like the writer is starting in the right place?
  • Based on what you are reading, what do you expect will happen in the story?
  • What kind of a story do you think this will be?
  • Do you feel like you know what you need to know or are you confused? Have you been told too much?
  • Is there enough foreshadowing? Too much?
  • Is there too much backstory?
  • Is the primary action shown or told, and is the balance of showing vs. telling okay in general?
  • What is the tone?
  • The mood?
  • Do you have any ideas about theme?
  • Does the setting come through clearly enough?
  • Are there enough grounding details to make the story feel real and alive?
  • Is there enough introspection and connection to the main character? Too much?
  • Is there enough dialogue? Too much?
  • Is the POV clear and consistent, or does it jump around?
  • Are the language, syntax, and technical aspects of the writing of publishable quality and appropriate to the age group and sophistication of the intended audience? Would they limit the audience in any way?

Can you think of any other general questions that you consider when you’re evaluating the opening of a story?

Happy reading and thanks so much for your help with the workshop entries!

Martina and Lisa

ABOUT P.J. Hoover

P. J.
Hoover first fell in love with Greek mythology in sixth grade thanks to the book
Mythology by Edith Hamilton.

After a fifteen year bout as an
electrical engineer designing computer chips for a living, P. J. decided to take
her own stab at mythology and started writing books for kids and teens. When not
writing, P. J. spends time with her husband and two kids and enjoys practicing
kung fu, solving Rubik’s cubes, and watching Star Trek.

For
more information about P. J. (Tricia) Hoover, please visit her website www.pjhoover.com. P. J. is also a member of THE TEXAS SWEETHEARTS AND SCOUNDRELS and THE ENCHANTED INKPOT.

Giveaway Winners

Thanks to the fabulous publicity folks at Random House, we had three huge prize packs of middle grade books to give away last week. To conserve space, I’m linking back to the original post to show you the prizes, but here are the winners:

The Winner of Prize Pack 1 is Christine
The Winner of Prize Pack 2 is Amanda G.
The Winner of Prize Pack 3 is L. Cole

Martina Boone

Martina Boone is the award-winning author of the romantic southern gothic Heirs of Watson Island series, starting with COMPULSION from Simon & Schuster, Simon Pulse and the Celtic Legends Collection of novels set in Scotland, Cornwall, and Ireland beginning with LAKE OF DESTINY. She’s passionate about improving lives through literacy and the love of books, and she runs the Compulsion For Reading program to distribute books to underserved schools and libraries.

She lives with her husband, children, Shetland Sheepdog Phinney, and Zoey the lopsided cat, and she enjoys writing contemporary romantic fiction with a hint of magic set in small towns and beautiful places. When she isn’t writing, she’s addicted to travel, horses, skiing, chocolate flavored tea, and anything with Nutella on it.

Post © Martina Boone and/or Adventures in YA Publishing. All rights reserved.
Posted: Oct 15, 2012
Category: Imported from AYAP
Tags: First Five Pages Workshop

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The first slide is an animation of a science/magic room in a castle. A cartoon character of a mad-scientist looking man in in the foreground says: “Hello! Dr. Frankenstein here to say, Well Done on kid lit zombie week! I’m an expert at reviving the dead, and let me assure you, with a little spark, you can bring dead projects to life. Especially if you dig up parts from other dead things. I’ll even let you have a sneak peek at my laboratory’s store room to consider potential parts for your dead project. If you see something with a yellow glow, that means you should click it. Have fun!”

He points to the right side of the screen and a new scene slides in of a castle science/magic storage room. There are various cartoon Frankenstein body parts scattered around. Some of them have a yellow glow. If you click on them, the images below appear (I’ve added alt text to them, so I hope it works).

The Heart of your story is the main character. The protagonist is the beating core that truly brings your story to life. If your MC doesn't make kids (and their grown-ups) care within the first few pages, your story will flatline. </p> <p>Your main character needs to be:<br /> • Relatable enough for kids to see themselves<br /> • Unique enough to stand out in the slush pile<br /> • Active enough to drive the story<br /> • Memorable enough to survive multiple readings at bedtime</p> <p>Where do you find this amazing donor heart? It might be the very thing you loved so much about the manuscript you want to revive. It might be the younger sister from your shelved YA novel. Or maybe it’s the hilarious kid you blogged about meeting at a school visit. Find a character beating with potential and place it in the center of your story.<br />
The Brain of your story is the theme or central message. The theme is the big idea that controls everything else. Picture books are more than stories - they're tiny life lessons disguised with humor and heart.</p> <p>But your theme needs to be:<br /> • Subtle enough not to trigger the dreaded "didactic" rejection<br /> • Clear enough for a four-year-old to grasp<br /> • Universal enough to speak to both kids and adults<br /> • Fresh enough to prevent agents and editors from responding with "Not another sharing/bedtime/first-day story!"</p> <p>Check your other dead manuscripts to see if there is a recurring theme, something that really seems to be speaking to you. Find the bit of poetry you scribbled on the back of a receipt to see what theme inspired it. Reread the pep talk you texted your critique partner at 1am. Pick the theme that will drive your story, giving it purpose, direction, and deeper meaning.<br />
The Legs of your story is the plot. Not to be confused with a grave plot.🤪 The plot is what keeps everything upright and moving, as well as providing support for all the other elements. You have very few words to use in a picture book, so you need to do a lot with each plot point.</p> <p>In general, your plot should:<br /> • Hook readers fast<br /> • Build tension that a child can follow<br /> • Create page turns that feel natural<br /> • Wrap up in a way that satisfies</p> <p>You can borrow a plot twist (a leg) from one manuscript and the opening (the other leg) from a different manuscript. Consider if the subplot of the middle grade novel you trunked would work better as a picture book. Or maybe your Facebook post about a disastrous camping trip could become a story for kids. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other until you have your storyline.
The Arms of your story are the side characters.
The Torso of your story is the setting. Setting helps a story breathe and connects all the elements of the story. It isn't just where your story lives, it's what makes your story ALIVE. It's the difference between "this happened in a park" and "this happened in that park, the one with the twisty slide that burns your legs and the creaky swing that sounds like a baby crying.”</p> <p>Your setting should:<br /> • Make your character's world feel real<br /> • Contain your story in a way that makes sense to young readers<br /> • Connect different scenes and moments organically<br /> • Give your illustrator enough room to add visual subplots</p> <p>Half-finished manuscripts are a great place to dig up settings, since you worked out the place details before the plot petered out. Or maybe you had to cut a second fantastic location from your chapter book. You can also revisit the detailed caption from your Instagram carousel documenting your tour of that delish candy shop. Disinter a robust setting that can house all of your story's vital organs.

After you press the Click When Done circle button, the lights flash with the sound of electricity buzzing. Then the screen goes black and lightning zaps across the screen with the sound of thunder.

The screen then lights up to show the storage room, and all the Frankenstein pieces have been assembled into the whole monster. An upbeat song plays in the background. Then a speech bubble pops up with the words, “I’m alive! I’M ALIVE!” Then the screen goes to black. 

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