First Five Pages Workshop – March, Revision Round is Open

by Martina Boone

Note: The First Five Pages Workshop will be a regular feature on the blog at least for a while. We’ll be accepting new entries the first Saturday of the month. First five entries only.

So we’ve had one round of edits on the first five pages we put up last week. We had very few suggestions on Entry #5, so that leaves us with four manuscripts to whip into shape. Are you game?

The rules are the same, folks. Be kind, courteous, and constructive. Our goal is to provide suggestions that the writer can carry forward. Don’t bother with line editing until/unless the rest of the elements are all in place.

And a few more things to think about as you read these entries and consider your own work. One, where in real estate the key is location, location, location, in the world of children’s lit, it appears the key is voice. Natalie Fischer did two fabulous blog posts this week, one on our blog and one on hers. I STRONGLY suggest you read them.

http://childrenspublishing.blogspot.com/2011/03/literary-agent-natalie-fischer-on.html
http://adventuresinagentland.blogspot.com/2011/03/ya-vs-adult-whats-so-different-anyway.html

And here’s some more about voice:

http://msforster.blogspot.com/2011/02/talking-about-voice-part-1-what-is-it.html
http://msforster.blogspot.com/2011/03/talking-about-voice-part-2-three.html
http://msforster.blogspot.com/2011/03/talking-about-voice-part-3-one-author.html
http://msforster.blogspot.com/2011/03/talking-about-voice-part-4-viewpoint.html

After voice or right up there with it, is conflict. Here’s a worksheet on scene conflict. It may get you thinking in some additional directions:

http://childrenspublishing.blogspot.com/2010/06/scene-conflict-worksheet.html

Next, setting is critical and we need to do more than see it–we need to experience it in these first five pages. A good rule of thumb (or so the wisdom goes) for sensory detail is to make sure you put some in at least every three pages. That means there needs to be something juicy in each of these entries. Are we all set? If not, read Cam’s post from Wednesday:

http://childrenspublishing.blogspot.com/2011/03/writers-tip-paying-attention-by.html

And some more about setting:

Finally to tie it all together, here’s a checklist based on Noah Lukeman’s excellent book The First Five Pages:

http://childrenspublishing.blogspot.com/2010/03/pre-submission-checklist.html

Are you ready to kill me yet? This writing gig is hard, right? That’s okay. We love it.

Happy revising,

Martina

Martina Boone

Martina Boone is the award-winning author of the romantic southern gothic Heirs of Watson Island series, starting with COMPULSION from Simon & Schuster, Simon Pulse and the Celtic Legends Collection of novels set in Scotland, Cornwall, and Ireland beginning with LAKE OF DESTINY. She’s passionate about improving lives through literacy and the love of books, and she runs the Compulsion For Reading program to distribute books to underserved schools and libraries.

She lives with her husband, children, Shetland Sheepdog Phinney, and Zoey the lopsided cat, and she enjoys writing contemporary romantic fiction with a hint of magic set in small towns and beautiful places. When she isn’t writing, she’s addicted to travel, horses, skiing, chocolate flavored tea, and anything with Nutella on it.

Post © Martina Boone and/or Adventures in YA Publishing. All rights reserved.

Posted: Mar 12, 2011

Category: Imported from AYAP

Tags: First Five Pages Workshop

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The first slide is an animation of a science/magic room in a castle. A cartoon character of a mad-scientist looking man in in the foreground says: “Hello! Dr. Frankenstein here to say, Well Done on kid lit zombie week! I’m an expert at reviving the dead, and let me assure you, with a little spark, you can bring dead projects to life. Especially if you dig up parts from other dead things. I’ll even let you have a sneak peek at my laboratory’s store room to consider potential parts for your dead project. If you see something with a yellow glow, that means you should click it. Have fun!”

He points to the right side of the screen and a new scene slides in of a castle science/magic storage room. There are various cartoon Frankenstein body parts scattered around. Some of them have a yellow glow. If you click on them, the images below appear (I’ve added alt text to them, so I hope it works).

The Heart of your story is the main character. The protagonist is the beating core that truly brings your story to life. If your MC doesn't make kids (and their grown-ups) care within the first few pages, your story will flatline. </p>
<p>Your main character needs to be:<br />
• Relatable enough for kids to see themselves<br />
• Unique enough to stand out in the slush pile<br />
• Active enough to drive the story<br />
• Memorable enough to survive multiple readings at bedtime</p>
<p>Where do you find this amazing donor heart? It might be the very thing you loved so much about the manuscript you want to revive. It might be the younger sister from your shelved YA novel. Or maybe it’s the hilarious kid you blogged about meeting at a school visit. Find a character beating with potential and place it in the center of your story.<br />

The Brain of your story is the theme or central message. The theme is the big idea that controls everything else. Picture books are more than stories - they're tiny life lessons disguised with humor and heart.</p>
<p>But your theme needs to be:<br />
• Subtle enough not to trigger the dreaded "didactic" rejection<br />
• Clear enough for a four-year-old to grasp<br />
• Universal enough to speak to both kids and adults<br />
• Fresh enough to prevent agents and editors from responding with "Not another sharing/bedtime/first-day story!"</p>
<p>Check your other dead manuscripts to see if there is a recurring theme, something that really seems to be speaking to you. Find the bit of poetry you scribbled on the back of a receipt to see what theme inspired it. Reread the pep talk you texted your critique partner at 1am. Pick the theme that will drive your story, giving it purpose, direction, and deeper meaning.<br />

The Legs of your story is the plot. Not to be confused with a grave plot.🤪 The plot is what keeps everything upright and moving, as well as providing support for all the other elements. You have very few words to use in a picture book, so you need to do a lot with each plot point.</p>
<p>In general, your plot should:<br />
• Hook readers fast<br />
• Build tension that a child can follow<br />
• Create page turns that feel natural<br />
• Wrap up in a way that satisfies</p>
<p>You can borrow a plot twist (a leg) from one manuscript and the opening (the other leg) from a different manuscript. Consider if the subplot of the middle grade novel you trunked would work better as a picture book. Or maybe your Facebook post about a disastrous camping trip could become a story for kids. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other until you have your storyline.

The Arms of your story are the side characters.

The Torso of your story is the setting. Setting helps a story breathe and connects all the elements of the story. It isn't just where your story lives, it's what makes your story ALIVE. It's the difference between "this happened in a park" and "this happened in that park, the one with the twisty slide that burns your legs and the creaky swing that sounds like a baby crying.”</p>
<p>Your setting should:<br />
• Make your character's world feel real<br />
• Contain your story in a way that makes sense to young readers<br />
• Connect different scenes and moments organically<br />
• Give your illustrator enough room to add visual subplots</p>
<p>Half-finished manuscripts are a great place to dig up settings, since you worked out the place details before the plot petered out. Or maybe you had to cut a second fantastic location from your chapter book. You can also revisit the detailed caption from your Instagram carousel documenting your tour of that delish candy shop. Disinter a robust setting that can house all of your story's vital organs.

After you press the Click When Done circle button, the lights flash with the sound of electricity buzzing. Then the screen goes black and lightning zaps across the screen with the sound of thunder.

The screen then lights up to show the storage room, and all the Frankenstein pieces have been assembled into the whole monster. An upbeat song plays in the background. Then a speech bubble pops up with the words, “I’m alive! I’M ALIVE!” Then the screen goes to black.

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