May Pitch+250 Finalist – Fighting Chance

by Jan Lewis

Name: Amy Trueblood
Title: FIGHTING CHANCE
Genre: YA Thriller

Pitch:

After almost killing a boy in her California hometown, black belt Nica McDonald is shipped to the armpit of the South. Nica wants to stay under the radar, secretly take the GED, and blow the one stoplight town. But when she takes down a bully, and finds a dead body in the school bathroom, anonymity is impossible. Rumors swirl about Nica, and when the bully winds up dead, police focus on her. With Braeden , the boy she saved from a beat down, and fellow black belt, Garren, she must find the killer before he takes his next victim – her.

1st 250:

My scars were impossible to hide. The jagged marks carved deep in my knuckles glowed under the fluorescent lights in the convenience store.

I did everything I could to hide my hands. Slide them into my pockets. Lock them behind my back. I hated the white gouges between my fingers and slashed across my pale, freckled skin. Each mark was a small, taunting whisper, reminding me what I’d done.

I shoved the money across the counter while the owner gazed at me with pursed lips under a full white beard.

“You want a bag?” His lingering gaze focused on the thick, red line along my chin that took forty-two stitches to close.

I shook my head, hiding behind my dark hair and grabbed the carton, slipping it under my arm.

I’d been sent on an impossible mission – find soy milk in a tiny town surrounded by acres of dairy farms. My flighty stepmother, Annabelle, insisted we couldn’t survive without it — something about regular milk having growth hormones which destroyed our bodies. It was typical Annabelle. In her mind the entire planet was poisoning us. Personally, I thought it was a load of crap, but I didn’t argue because other than her granola-leanings, she was pretty cool.

The door chimed as I walked outside. The scent of bitter, day-old coffee lingered on the sleeves of my gray t-shirt. The parking lot was empty except for my ancient, silver Honda parked in the last space — a reluctant gift from my dad who didn’t have the time or patience to drive me around.

Jan Lewis

Jan Lewis writes YA fantasy of the contemporary and traditional varieties. She lives in Oklahoma with a husband, two kids, two cats, a dog, and a mother. Instead of unpublished, she prefers to call herself pre-published. While she enjoys drafting, her heart is truly in rewriting and editing. She loves ladybugs, fairies, blue roses, cats, musical theater, and pretty much all things geek.

Post © Jan Lewis and/or Adventures in YA Publishing. All rights reserved.

Posted: May 21, 2013

Category: Imported from AYAP

Tags: #contests

Welcome to Transmedia Mutts

Yellow origami dog on a teal background

Unleash your creative bark!

Shout out to AYAP!

Logo for Adventures in YA Publishing

Thank you to the women who started Adventures in YA Publishing and ran it for years. AYAP and TMM have merged to form Adventures in PUPlishing, and the legacy AYAP posts are now part of TMM. Click here to learn more about the earlier AYAP team.

Click to Join our Facebook Group

Share advice, practice pitching, celebrate successes, and support each other through writing and publishing adventures.

← Previous: May Pitch+250 Finalist - Earth to Earth Next: May Pitch+250 Contest - Hum of the Hills →

The first slide is an animation of a science/magic room in a castle. A cartoon character of a mad-scientist looking man in in the foreground says: “Hello! Dr. Frankenstein here to say, Well Done on kid lit zombie week! I’m an expert at reviving the dead, and let me assure you, with a little spark, you can bring dead projects to life. Especially if you dig up parts from other dead things. I’ll even let you have a sneak peek at my laboratory’s store room to consider potential parts for your dead project. If you see something with a yellow glow, that means you should click it. Have fun!”

He points to the right side of the screen and a new scene slides in of a castle science/magic storage room. There are various cartoon Frankenstein body parts scattered around. Some of them have a yellow glow. If you click on them, the images below appear (I’ve added alt text to them, so I hope it works).

The Heart of your story is the main character. The protagonist is the beating core that truly brings your story to life. If your MC doesn't make kids (and their grown-ups) care within the first few pages, your story will flatline. </p>
<p>Your main character needs to be:<br />
• Relatable enough for kids to see themselves<br />
• Unique enough to stand out in the slush pile<br />
• Active enough to drive the story<br />
• Memorable enough to survive multiple readings at bedtime</p>
<p>Where do you find this amazing donor heart? It might be the very thing you loved so much about the manuscript you want to revive. It might be the younger sister from your shelved YA novel. Or maybe it’s the hilarious kid you blogged about meeting at a school visit. Find a character beating with potential and place it in the center of your story.<br />

The Brain of your story is the theme or central message. The theme is the big idea that controls everything else. Picture books are more than stories - they're tiny life lessons disguised with humor and heart.</p>
<p>But your theme needs to be:<br />
• Subtle enough not to trigger the dreaded "didactic" rejection<br />
• Clear enough for a four-year-old to grasp<br />
• Universal enough to speak to both kids and adults<br />
• Fresh enough to prevent agents and editors from responding with "Not another sharing/bedtime/first-day story!"</p>
<p>Check your other dead manuscripts to see if there is a recurring theme, something that really seems to be speaking to you. Find the bit of poetry you scribbled on the back of a receipt to see what theme inspired it. Reread the pep talk you texted your critique partner at 1am. Pick the theme that will drive your story, giving it purpose, direction, and deeper meaning.<br />

The Legs of your story is the plot. Not to be confused with a grave plot.🤪 The plot is what keeps everything upright and moving, as well as providing support for all the other elements. You have very few words to use in a picture book, so you need to do a lot with each plot point.</p>
<p>In general, your plot should:<br />
• Hook readers fast<br />
• Build tension that a child can follow<br />
• Create page turns that feel natural<br />
• Wrap up in a way that satisfies</p>
<p>You can borrow a plot twist (a leg) from one manuscript and the opening (the other leg) from a different manuscript. Consider if the subplot of the middle grade novel you trunked would work better as a picture book. Or maybe your Facebook post about a disastrous camping trip could become a story for kids. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other until you have your storyline.

The Arms of your story are the side characters.

The Torso of your story is the setting. Setting helps a story breathe and connects all the elements of the story. It isn't just where your story lives, it's what makes your story ALIVE. It's the difference between "this happened in a park" and "this happened in that park, the one with the twisty slide that burns your legs and the creaky swing that sounds like a baby crying.”</p>
<p>Your setting should:<br />
• Make your character's world feel real<br />
• Contain your story in a way that makes sense to young readers<br />
• Connect different scenes and moments organically<br />
• Give your illustrator enough room to add visual subplots</p>
<p>Half-finished manuscripts are a great place to dig up settings, since you worked out the place details before the plot petered out. Or maybe you had to cut a second fantastic location from your chapter book. You can also revisit the detailed caption from your Instagram carousel documenting your tour of that delish candy shop. Disinter a robust setting that can house all of your story's vital organs.

After you press the Click When Done circle button, the lights flash with the sound of electricity buzzing. Then the screen goes black and lightning zaps across the screen with the sound of thunder.

The screen then lights up to show the storage room, and all the Frankenstein pieces have been assembled into the whole monster. An upbeat song plays in the background. Then a speech bubble pops up with the words, “I’m alive! I’M ALIVE!” Then the screen goes to black.

Dog holding a sign that says Pupdates!

Sign up for our newsletter for pupdates and publishing advice